what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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