it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
