North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
