Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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