Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
