We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
