I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
