Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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