I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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