yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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