WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
