We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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