you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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