How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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