dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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