I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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