where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
