dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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