the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
