On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
