I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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