who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so much tequila, so little girl.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
