So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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