eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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