I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
