My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
