Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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