my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
