I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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