You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You ruined the universe
Randomize
