is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
