best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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