it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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