We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
