I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
