can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
