every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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