Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
