Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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