he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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