Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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