Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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