when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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