he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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