If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
