My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
