I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
