I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
