I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
