it was like his penis was on wheels.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
