all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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