Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
