Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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