oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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