You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize