I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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