I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
