it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
