so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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