I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
