I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
