I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
