She is in my trunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
