hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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