Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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