so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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