Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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