just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
