his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
