The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
