Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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