a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
