so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
