you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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