i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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