When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
