Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
