So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
