chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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