You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
