my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
only you would photoshop your dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
