you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
