that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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