Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
