do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
