Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
