So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
